its been around for days...

so the last few times i talked to bobby have been really really cool. no weird pressure or anything like that at all, its been like talking to jenni seriously. which is so strange, and he has commented on it too, saying things like your different now with me, and so i asked him what he means by that, and he couldnt really say, he was just saying i wasnt hiding anything, which i didnt really understand but then i told him i think its because we went through hell and back and now are cool, so i feel closer to him. this is all true. i feel like i did the worst thing i could do and we are cool still which says a lot. and then i told him that we both know where we stand with each other, which we never did before, and its comfortable, where as the unknown is uncomfortable. he agreed, and i felt a little weird about that. like it was me saying, we are just friends remember? but i didnt mean it that way, but i guess i did too. it is true, there is no more weirdness of oh my god he likes me too much, or anything like that..but man i can not help but feel jealous about this girl in philly. he put some post on his lala account and some dude asked if his quote was from the book nadja and he said, yes. and its this book about a girl who dude is in love with. so apparently hes in love with her, there has been stuff all over the place about it. so it makes me feel weird kind of. but then again i dont give a fuck. when i talk to him sometimes i go ughhh hes so annoying, with the way he deals with things, but then i dream about him a lot and i listen to all these songs all the time that remind me of him. its so strange. i mean he seriously is in my dreams about every night, or some aspect of him is. i dont really understand any of it to be honest. its quite confusing for me. i feel so torn all the time, sometimes i think to myself, dude your going to marry this dude, and this is just what you gotta go through together to get past all the craziness...and then i sometimes im like sweet we are friends, and its dope, he will be like another justin or derek for me. i just dont get it. so im gonna stop typing about it, cause im now gonna go in circles.

but man jealousy is an evil evil monster.