ya gotta have faith, faith faith

all day today ive thought about what my christmases would be like with him and how we would split our days between our families and eat a lot of italian food, and get drunk and just have fun. i see this life. i really really do. it is the life i think i have always dreamed about in some way, but i never imagined it with anyone, but now i do. i see it. and i keep thinking about how he is probally sitting aorund thinking the same thing. there is no way he can change that in a month. he told me he thinks about that all the time, and so im sure its popping up today and tomorrow. im going to follow jenni and wait to see if he hits me up first. or to see how long it takes. but i dunno i might give in too..im not feeling so crazy about him anymore either. its like i came out of my crazy ass fog that made me overly obsessed with him. its good to be out of it though, but yet its still hard. i watched hes just not that into you today, and man did it remind me of how shitty things can be and how they are. and the main theme is "if he really liked you then he would be doing anything to be with you" and that just rings so clear to me. its all about faith, which i guess is a big part of tonight, christmas eve. the faith in a day of good, a day to celebrate with your family and loved ones, a day to share presents and food and just faith in faith. so im gonna keep the faith like george michael told me to do..