jesus man i found all my old emails on myspace and facebook about me and r. and boy oh boy did i learn something wild. things have not changed an inch, like seriously. some of the shit he wrote me then, hes said now. right down to the wanting to hide under rocks and not talk to anyone about anything. and about us and how isnt ready and all this shit. the other thing i noticed is the time frame, one day iw as getting cute emails from him, then about a week later was some super intense email about how hes not giving me enough, or how im cool if we dont hang out. jeez louise im a little impatient and suppose i still am. another thing real quick was that he said, that when it comes to emotional things and things that are important or deep it takes him a long time to figure it out and talk about it, so not to be upset, and that really applies to this situation too. melissa, its been a week and a few days since you were back in philly get a fucking grip dude hasnt even processed this shit yet. i think this is the problem between him and i, my lack of patience. maybe it means something, maybe it doesnt. but i defiantly think its what broke things up before. we were on a path of dating and i didnt see that because i was so overwhelmed by how much i liked him. and im doing that now too it fucking sucks!
i seriously jump at the response from him at all, i jump right on it like an impatient little kid who was sititng by the phone. its pathetic and i bet he can smell it all the way across country. tonite he posted on one of my status updates and i couldnt just be cool i wrote something so cheesy back and then texted him, twice. to no response again. when will i learn? well tonight im learning, im going to chill the fuck out and step a few steps back. give him space for real. space isnt going to make him think i like him less, its going to give him time to figure me out. he already knows i have something to say about us, i made that abundantly clear. everything comes in good time and i need to keep that in mind..and jenni so do you. its fucking hard man, hard hard hard, but i bet if we do it it wil be well well worth it. in many ways actually. if it lets our dudes work their shit out and they come back to us, awesome, if not weve moved on and kept our respect to ourselves. lets do this together. k?
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