i dont even know how i feel these days at all anymore. i thought i just wanted to say those things to him and i did, but now what? now where are we? we are pretty much exactly where we;ve always been and it still isnt enough, it will never be enough for me.
my life is crumbling around me and i wish i knew why. whats the common theme? electronics? entertainment? communication? yes yes and yes. but what the fuck seriously? how can i stop the madness? is it all a shedding of the skin per se? letting these old things go and buying new ones? is that what all this has been about? even the show when the cord broke!
what did he mean when he said i knew you were lying! was that playful? was that a fact? was that really all good?
im so sick of thinking about this shit. tomorrow im sleeping all day so i dont have to think once. just my dreams. which by the way erykah badu was in my dream last night and we were at r;s house and he was sleeping on his bunk, and i went into the other room with someone else, and she was there. i told her how much her music meant to me and how some songs really get me like see ya next lifetime, and she went on to tell me about how this lifetime is here, and i have it all now, there is no see ya next time. then she started showing me pictures of her trip to hawaii or someplace like that. jamaica maybe.
i feel so empty, i dont feel christmas at all, i dotn want anything to do with it. my house is decorated, i made cookies, sent gifts, shopped, wrapped, drank egg nog, watched elf, listened to all my favorite music and still nothing. that shit is in 5 days and i could not care less. i want to care again, i want to be positive again, i want to trust myself and the world around me, but i feel like im in this void, this hole in the earth that has me held captive.
what the fuck for reals.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment