and if you don't love me let me go..

im quite bored tonight. i had a pretty crazy night last night after my jewish experience i went up to the bars and hung out with my eagles buddy and his friend jessica. she was pretty hot and me and her clicked immediately so it was fun, we ran all over town, drunk and silly. i felt like i was 22 again, just being drunk and not caring or even really looking at people, i cant even remember one person i saw last night besides her. we totally crushed on each other and did kiss a little bit! it was exciting. i mean ive done that before, but this was different, it was so much like tv or something. it made me really see what it must be like to be a lesbian and just go out to the bars and find a cute girl and hang out with her all night. it was the same as if i found a dude i liked, but a lot more comfortable. because we just could openly flirt and the funny thing was we were all over each other too. of course dudes kept checking us out, but i didnt care, i just went with it. i was a little embarrassed this morning, but decided to get over it because it was fun. i guess i felt a little irresponsible of me to be running around acting like that, but fuck it i decided. she wants to go on a date with me she said, but she lives in lake tahoe and is just visiting, but is planning on moving here or something. so i guess that kinda freaks me out. it was a lot easier to play around and flirt knowing she was going to leave.. ahhhhhhhhhh fuck fuck fuck as i typed that i realized thats what r must have thought about me when i was in philly! oh my fucking god. wow thats so serious shit. i guess its true though, you can act however you want knowing its not going to lead anywhere. he hasnt written me back after that email or anything. i imd him a long ass time ago and still no reply. i guess im blending into those girls. i haven't really tried either, i really want to keep my distance, but i think its so silly. there is nothing i can about any of it, i seriously have to take this all day by day and its quite hard some days.

ive written pages upon page...trying to rid you from my bones...