i got a bad desire..

i dont know what to do with myself at this moment. i just went onto his page and hes been talking to this girl, probably the girl who wanted to be his girlfriend and he had to diss. and the problem is this..i know that this girl cant mean anything, doesnt really mean anything or else he would be with her and be all in love etc, etc, but fuck does it still hurt. ive been giving him his time to chill and do his thing and sort shit out, but this whole time hes been talking to other girls? how do i not get jealous? how do i keep my composure and let things be the way they are supposed to be? i need to gain so much strength to deal with this situation, and i guess i wasnt prepared. i still havent even told him how i feel and i still cant stop thinking about how the last thing i told him was i was over him and closing the book on us. he thinks that somewhere, and i want to tell him otherwise. i keep having the internal argument about just telling him now because sieze the day and such, then the other side saying how it wil be so much more worth it if he hears it when hes ready to hear it. you havent even been gone for a whole week. his phone is supposedly broken, ok i guess not supposedly but its broken, and i cant help but think hes siked. he doesnt have to deal with any of this shit going on around him, which includes me too. which im fine with i guess im just bummed that hes still talking to her or whomever else. why can he talk to them and not me? we just spend two weeks together! god i hate to think jb was right and that i dont know half the shit hes doing. but then to flip it over again, does it even matter? arent we meant to be anyways? isnt it going to work out if its supposed to? if i know all this knowledge i should be ok with this all, but

i just help but be jealous. jealous. jealous.