give me your eyes, i need sunshine..

so i got to talk to him again tonight, and for some reason i thought maybe it was the time, we were chatting about life and being in philly and how short ago it really was, but how long ago it seemed, etc. and i was like yeah ive been thinking a lot about last week and he was like about how it was only last week and i was like no about you, then immediately said but i am cool to not discuss it yet, because its not time or space to..and he still had to come back with i got so much going on i cant talk about emotions right now, which felt like a knife through the heart, but im an idiot because i knew it already, i knew i should hav ekept things cool and surface for the next few weeks until school is over at least, but bam i couldnt wait i had to slip it in there and say it like a fucking moron. when i am going to learn to listen to myself?

but something else curious came up, he is a perfectionist and wants things to be perfect and the way they are supposed to be, and it made sense about me and him. he told me he isnt ready and all that shit but wants it later, so it makes sense because doing that now wouldnt be right or perfect. also we were talking about the josh thing and he said that josh keeps being my protector and saying things to him about me and how he is either lying to himself or everyone else..and i responded with well he really wants me to know your with other girls and shit, and i told him i knew that already i wasnt stupid, and he told me he isnt with girls. he was like i know i dont need to tell you but i want to that im not with girls around here, its a common misconception about me, i personally dont believe him fully especially since hes talking to girls blah blah, but i dont care still. it doesnt matter what we have is more and im okay with that. but my response to him was this.."thank you for telling me that, but its really none of my business what you do..what me and you do or say with one another is my business and nothing else" i was hoping that got across what i wanted to put out there...anyway im sure it didnt happen, im sure he didnt follow, but either way its cool. i need to stop it with him, because i am making it worse. it sucks but i am. i wrote him a message on fb saying if you need to talk im here, i know all you need right now is a friend, and thats what im offering. its all he can handle honestly. imsure i wont get a response, and its cool i dont need one.