fuck i told someone tonight that rickie was the love of my life. i actually said those words, what am i doing? why am i thinking these things? is it just how im dealing with being over it? its not gonna be over if i sleep with him, and sleep next to him and have this passionate night. its not going to be over. fuck. how does this make any sense at all? i cant seem to figure out how this would ever work. hes not ready. hes said it many times, its bullshit. either way im stuck with it. ive been thinking about him every single day since we talked last, i think about every aspect of him, i listen to his music, i listen to music he likes, im obsessed. im preparing myself for being in his presence. im so nervous, yet so anxious. i cant wait to spend a real night with him. no lies, no hidding, no anything. out there in the open, hanging out. i cant fucking wait.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
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