Otis Redding has so much wisdom..

i dont even know what i want to type to be honest. every time i get on the internet i go to the same 3 sites and i hate them all, none of them do anything for me, im bored of the web to be honest. im bored in general. i feel in such a weird position recently, its like im happy but yet not at all, its weird. i have nothing to really be bummed about but there is this underlying sadness i feel and i hate it. i guess it has to do with my mom, and its like i want things to be cool with her again, but i really dont even know what to say. im not sorry for a word i said, at all. so where does that leave me? i already said sorry if i hurt her feelings there is nowhere else to go from there. i just dont like the uneasiness of it all. its going to be weird when im home for sure. i made a good decision tonight to go down to atlantic city with my sister for girl talk i think it will be fun to just leave everyone at home and go to this show with sarah and her friends, get wasted go dancing, just be me. its gonna be awesome. i decided to do this because otherwise i would be home and stuck doing some shit i dont want to do. i want to live a different life out there this time, and be the me now there, so this is the me now, doing things different and besides it will be cool to hang out with sarah, and maybe getting to see her out will give me a better look into her life, and maybe bring us closer together or something. either way it will be cool. i plan on keeping busy while im home, living it up per se. i think im seeing phish, def seeing girl talk and trying to go to an eagles game! i got 10 days and i want to keep busy and see as much of my family as possible, and old friends, like justin and teresa.

i talked to greg today about the whole touchy thing and it was nice. its so nice to be able to be open and honest and not scared that he will want to bounce. to know what i say matters and that he listens and takes into consideration what i want and need. i realized thought that i need to be lovey to him and show him that i like him too, because as of now, ive been so obsessed with myself and my feelings of overwhelming that i never stopped to think what that may come off as. i want him to trust that i like him and am trying to make this whole thing work out. i am kinda sick of talking about us and how much we are compatible when we dont really even know each other. im hoping to hang out with him on tuesday, i just wanna go to the beach or something and talk and cuddle and kiss and just be cute together.

fuck the yankees by the way