paper hearts

i just watched this movie, and im feeling such a love buzz from it. i got it from netflix soooo long ago and several times i meant to return it, but i never did and today something told me to watch it, so i got in bed and turned it on. it was so sweet and real. i really loved how unsure this girl was in love and how she didnt really believe in love at all. she thought she just didnt have it in her to feel any sort of love towards a dude..and then boom! michael cera comes into the picture and they fall in love with each other. it was really really cute and a lot of the interviews that she did were really uplifting and insightful. there are so many different types of love and how to feel about love, and how to recognize it and notice it. and this movie showed all the differences, it was neat. i found myself smiling and laughing, and really feeling for this girl and her new relationship with michael cera. i also thought it was adorable to see these two awkward people getting to know each other, because it is so weird. dates and dating is weird.

i was talking to my friend tibora this morning and she said that she thinks its interesting that im dating butter sober..and i just agreed and then went on with the conversation, but now the more i think about it its pretty fucking cool. ive been so high all the time in every situation with a dude, that it fogs it up for me. i just let my emotions go all over the place and i never really know what i really feel. ive been siked all day about this new thing, but trying to tell myself to chill out about it, and just let it be. i never just let any of it be ever. i always jump right in and fall in love so quickly, and then out of it even quicker. but is that because im always so high when i fall in love? does the weed distract my real thoughts and just let me go with what feels good and what i think i want? there is something to this thing im doing right now that is interesting and i am interested in continuing to see where it goes. i know last night i said i dont see it going anywhere, and maybe i dont. but i am willing to see if anything can come of this, even if i hang out with him for a month or two weeks, im sure i will learn a lot about myself and relationships. but he called me and i was so fucking happy and excited! i had a smile from ear to ear and just felt liked. last night i felt so dissed about the whole kissing thing, but i think tib is right and hes really really shy and nervous, and i never took that into account. i never take those things into account when its me. i always just assume these people are perfect and not human or something. but its interesting to realize that people are people and are nervous or scared, and that maybe i am intimidating to some degree. i know i want to hang out with him a lot more now and i hope we do. i can see us having fun together in whatever we do. i am going to try my hardest to not over think this situation and just go with the flow, because thats what i need to do. i need to just do it. just be me, and just accept me for me, and not go crazy or think about marriage or shit like that, which is what i usually do..and dont get me wrong, i already had a few flashes of those things. but like jenni said i think we can put anyone in those situations that we want. its always the same setting and situation, but its always a different dude in the pic, so why does it matter? there is no need to go there. when and if it is meant to happen it will.

as for today, im just gonna be happy about my amazingly romantic date last night, and live off that good energy.