im in serious like..

so tonight was a big night!! he told me "i like you" and i said "i like you too" i know this may sound silly, but i love it! its the best feeling ive had in a long time. to know someone i like likes me, and wants me to know. and says it to me, and acts like a normal person and just tells me they like me, and shows me. i havent had this in soooooo fucking long i am so scared and siked at the same time. i feel like this shit is real, for real. but i am still scared, being as thought we havent been in each other presence yet, but im sort of not worried about it. i bet by the time 2 more months go by i will like him so much it wont even matter. he has gotten to me, the soul deep root of me. hes the first person i dont feel like i have a million walls up, or anything. i want him to know every single thing about me, and i want to know every single thing about him. i told him i feel like the bag is overflowing with things i want him to know, and its true. i was trying to think of my deepest darkest things that i think about, or that are fucked up about me, and ive already told him, openly. without any kind of delay at all. its the weirdest most awesome situation i could ever be in. i really enjoy the feeling of knowing someone is crushing on me, thinking of me through out the day, listening to music because it reminds them of me, or wanting to text me to tell me everything they see..this is stuff i always do with dudes i like, and yet have i noticed them doing it, besides this one. he likes me for me. he likes me for more than sex, or my body, or getting drunk with, or anything. he likes me. the realest version of me available, he wants everything to do with it. its fucking amazing. it came out of left field too which is the weirdest part. i started talking to him on new years day, and that was the day i told myself that i was gonna give up on r. i was done. i was leaving all that in 09 and not bringing the craziness into 2010, and if something came up with him, i would consider it, but i was no longer going to text, or obsess or live my life for him after new years day, and BOOOM!!!! here comes bobby. out of fucking left field. i immediately felt something towards him, i wanted to talk to him since i looked at his music likings, i was interested from the get go, then he imd me while he was listening to my show, or i imd him im unsure, and we talked the whole time i was on the air, then a few days later, then it was everyday. i looked forward to talking to him every day since.

me and nikole havent really been getting along lately. its upsetting to be honest. i feel like we arent communicating properly. i told her about bobby liking me and she was like "oh cool, its so funny its like 15 year olds, oh i like you, oh i like you too, its so silly" i fucking lost it. why did she have to say that? why did she have to put me down like that? it was such a half assed answer, it made me think she wasnt into the idea at all, and she did the same the other night she was at my house and we were talking about it. she kept making fun of me and him and our internet relationship. she doesnt understand how important this is to me, and so we talked about it a little bit and it came down to her being worried about me. i told her no dude has told me he liked me since matt g, and she was like im so surprised and upset that youve been loving r for 4 years and he never told you he liked you. which in turn fucking wrecked me. man i cant believe it either! how could i be so stupid and naive? i am not sure, but either way, now that ive seen what it can be, and how it feels, i will never let anything less happen to me again.

but yay!!! im in serious like!