i want you.

i want you sooo bad...

i found the mixtape r made me today, ive been listening to it and just remembering all the times we had together, all the good all the bad, everything. i was thinking about how if we got together what would our issues be, what would annoy me? would anything make me not want to be with him? the answer is it doesnt matter, i think he is my one, the one im supposed to be with. i know it for sure, with every ounce of my being i know that. ive known it for 4 years. the scarry part is he might not think that way. he might get freaked out and not do anything, and if that happens im done. i have to give up the ghost. i dont want to though, because we make sense. we go together like peanut butter and jelly. we just make sense, its all i can say. he totally read my email and hasnt responded, im going kinda crazy. i just want to know what hest hinking, and there is nothing i can do. i cant call him, or text him or write him i cant do anything. he needs to come to me when hes ready. its one of the hardest things i have to do. i know im in love with him, and have been forever. we are meant to be, and i wish it would just work quicker, but i know its not going to. this is going to take a long ass time, and it might not even work out. if it doesnt work out i am done forever with him. i am so vulnerable right now, its gross. i feel like my heart is out there on the line, and i am giving myself up, taking a leap taking a risk and saying if you want me you can have me. and there is the possibility he will not want me. i just hope hes serious..

i have been thinking a lot about moving back to philly if this whole thing pans out, and i think it would be quite nice. i would be so willing to live back there if i had love with him. i can see our perfect little life in some cute place in philly or ud, and hanging out with all our friends and being back part of that whole crew and being wanted and special to him. i can see us being all grossly in love and people just looking at us and saying yeah im glad that finally worked out, took long enough. i just want to try it out. lets just see please. fuck fuck fuck, if this is all some emotional bullshit im gonna be so pissed. luckily i will have a heart of stone..

youll never break this heart of stone..