annie are you okay? are you okay annie?

umm nope.

well kind of actually, i think i figured out my issues. i always always always let other people be ahead of me and i put myself last in most situations especially when it comes to men, and im doing it again and my body and brain arent letting me. brian came in here and took over my life, he comes in and takes my side of the bed, puts his beer in my fridge, brings over his own chocolate syrup and milk for his eggs because its how he likes things. none of this has anything to do with me. im a chill person and i think that gets taken advantage of, and im so sick of it. i need to have things my way too. there needs to be a balance and we dont have it. its all him all up in my shit, but i know nothing about his shit. he only tells me stories about drugs and shit, while i try to tell him real shit about life. ya know im actually sick of talking about this, i just need to talk to him about it. he needs to woo me too, im a woman who deserves to be chased and treated like a queen, ive held myself back away from men for years because of all this shit and now here i am doing it again and it aint cool. part of me wants to talk to him tonight about it all before he goes away so he has time to think about it, but then the other part of me doesnt want to yet, because im scared i guess. fuck it i need to talk to him tonight. i just need to let him know that all of this is moving quickly which is awesome, but a little too quickly and its become routine and it should be super exciting, we should be doing things and going out on dates and wanting to hang out way more than we actually do, not just hang out at my house and have sex and sleep kind of. i also need to tell him that i feel like im giving up so much of myself and my life for him, but not really getting too much in return.


omg i just called him and my heart was pounding! i was so scared i didnt even wait for voicemail! god im such a pussy! i felt like it was time to call and let this shit out, but when i did i got so scared soooo scared im kind of shaking actually about it all. why do i feel like my feelings dont count as much or something? this should be the most important thing to me, and i should feel like a strong independent woman! because i am! i always envy those girls on tv who say shit and walk out, they make a stand and if the dude wants them they chase them, im always just the fucking doormat. well i guess tonight will be the night if he calls me back! if not his loss i suppose.