my love is a life taker..

ahh life.

every time i go out it gets better and better. the more and more i become comfortable with myself, the more fun i have. the less i worry about other people or anything around me. its taking less and less time for me to get to that point these days. tonight i went to see this band "weeple" a weezer cover band and i felt weird at first like the spotlight was on me while i was singing and dancing, i couldnt let myself relax. then i just did, i let it all go and i enjoyed myself so much. i didnt know what i was in for with this band, i figured it was pretty much just like "sleezer" at home, but wasnt sure if this band was gonna play some of the newer stuff or not, but i got so lucky and they only played songs off the blue album, oh and lady gaga's bad romance. weird combo right? but man say it aint so, the sweater song and surf wax america was some of the funnest times ive had in a long ass time. it was just nice to be surrounded by weezer fans all singing and fist pumping at the same time in unison nerding the fuck out. i loved it. the funniest part was that my stepmom kristina and her friend maya from bend oregon were with me and neither really like weezer and or heard of them that much, so that was amazing. i just fucking rocked out while they chilled and watched the band. i felt stupid at first, but i got over it. they were staying for me and it was ok, cause thats what you do. and if they wanted to leave they would tell me, so i just partied. i love this no drinking thing too, i get to really enjoy things more when im only high and not all wasted and pukey feeling.

i had a funny situation happen the other day which i may or may not have blogged about. my friend at work jm, we always have this thing with each other, where there is something there, but its never talked about and we just kind of go along with it and be friends. the past few times ive hung out with him ive thought hmm maybe i like him more like a dude than a friend and other times i dont. i realized tonight he sees me usually when im sober which is incredible, not too many people get that. im usually pretty high at some point in the day with people im with, but with him im never high. i actually feel uncomfortable around him high and would rather be all there. i dont know if any of this stuff makes any sense at all, or means anything, but its just is what it is. so yeah. he told me tonight two things where i feel like i kind of dissed him. one was he told me he would go to this show if i was, and then when we were at the show and the horrible band were on, he said "im not here for the music" but he could have been there for our mutual friend andy but then i think maybe it was for me, who knows. i feel bad though cause i didnt really hang out with him too much at all. i did when i first got there and i was super high , but i had to leave when some dude kinda pushed by me, and i felt him get all protective and kind of eye the guy down. i didnt like it, which is odd cause i always think there is a part of me that wants a dude to be able to protect me and stand up for me, but i never really want them to do it, especially over being at a show and a dude pushing by me. i dont know why i felt so weird but i did, and i bounced and didnt really see him again for the rest of the night. i think im over thinking it and i need to get over it all really. cause none of it really matters anyways. it happened, its over. ok im going to sleep. goodnight.