life. death. life. death. life. death. and so on...

about el dying. at first i thought it was good that he wont be suffering or having to deal with his psychiatric problems any longer, and thats totally right, but he will be missed. its really made me think about the years ive known him and how hes always been a part of my life since the day i met him. no matter what phase of my life i was in or where i lived, he always called me and wrote me and thought of me. so many of his messages were deleted before i could even listen to them, due to the mania, but it was always so nice when he would call out of nowhere and just be happy and actually interested in my life. I am really happy that my last conversation with him was so amazing. he had called me and i didnt answer at first, but then i listened to his message and he seemed normal, so i decided to call him back and we had such a good talk. he was so happy and excited about his life and really seemed genuinely happy. i always knew that conversation was something special, but i never really knew why except just connecting with an old friend, but i guess this is why. because it was the last time i would talk to him on this plane of existence. i am glad he didnt suffer for too long. i feel really upset for his family, and wish i was home to give them hugs. hes such a part of my life too, he always would say, culbertson, ive known you for so long, since you were a young teenager and i would go yup el pretty cool huh? and he would go yup. i will miss him for sure. but i know that he is in a better place and can feel happy and no pain any longer. he is safe and sound on a higher plane. rest in peace elliott. xo