kissing the lipless..

so after about a year and a half i finally got to make out with a boy!! oh my god it was such a crazy weird day. i woke up from the craziest dream about stoney and he wasnt dead in the dream, and i told him i thought he was dead and he laughed and hugged me and made me feel better, but when i woke up i realized he totally is dead and what a weird fucking dream..then i thought about josh and how hes dead and how on earth the people closest to them ie girlfriends deal with their deaths. it must be so fucking hard to deal with. like one day your boyfriend is sleeping in your bed and the next day hes dead..must be sooo fucking wild. fucking wild man.

oh get to the kissing right? ok well after i woke up i wanted to go for a swim at the gym, so i got my stuff together and went down there, i swam for about 20 minutes and then went to get food..i knew my friends were at the crabs game (the local baseball team) and i decided to go hit it up. i got there and it was a couple fest, i was with 3 couples, but it was fun..hung out yelled a bunch, chilled out..then afterward we all went to the bar and had a few shots, i got kinda drunk! haha which is super funny since i barely drink anymore, but anyways this dude brian was with us and he was really cool, we played some dice and totally hit it off. i dont even know what it was, but we just got along. so we hung out at the bar telling stories, making fun of things and just talking all while the basketball game was on, which i dont even know who won yet! haha so we decided to leave at the 3rd quarter i wanted to just get out of the bar with all the creeps..the whole time he was talking i wanted to just make out with him! it was so odd, i never really feel like that to be honest. then we were walking to the car and stopped on the street, got kinda close and i was like you want to kiss me dont you? so fucking bold of me! he said yes and kissed me, and guess what he kissed just like me! sooooooo crazy i dont know too many people who kiss just like me, but its sweet when i find it. it was so comfortable with him the whole time. i dont know if it was because there was no pressure, and we just hit it off or if it was just vibes, or both..either way im kinda into it. the only bad things were that his semi beard kind of hurt my face, and he was at the game with a date! this girl was so not into being at the game at all, she left a few times, and left early..he told me he wasnt really into her either, but thought he would never find a good girl up here so he decided to just try to stick it out, but now that he met me he thinks hes over it. so weird, i feel like a home-wrecker in a way, but i also dont give a fuck. they didnt seem to be getting along too well anyways.

ok so after the kiss we went to the marsh to go smoke some weed, and sat on this bench for about 3 hours, which went by so fucking quickly, we seriously just told stories all intertwined with each other, holding hands and everything. i was so engrossed in the conversation. i honestly never thought to check my phone or do anything, but look at him and listen and talk back. we kissed a few times there but it was just that a few kisses then right back to talking which was awesome. i liked how chill it was, then he got this weird phone call and things kind of got weird, but we decided to leave because it was getting late and cold anyway. we were going to go get food, but i wanted to go home and eat and take sofia out. so we left each other. he kissed me goodbye and we said we would hang out again this week. im so siked! but not too siked, its weird. im just whatever about it honestly. i dont even plan on telling a lot of people. i just want to be chill and hang out when we hang out. see what happens, and also get the scoop tomorrow from jenna and nate on him, since they are his friend. the funny thing is jenna has been telling me about this dude for months now, and i didnt know that until late in the game which is so funny. funny how things turn out sometimes.

i think we are gonna hang out again this week sometime. he already texted me with the good old, making sure you got home safe text which really just means he wanted to talk to me, but felt silly about it so it was the safe way to do so. this dude is pretty cute too, and fun and funny. hes a breath of fresh air around here for me.his clothes are a little not for me, but very humboldt. boots, hoodie, carhart pants. same old same old..i need to be careful on this one, i need to be available but not too available, and not say too much or let him in too much. i need to keep being honest and open with him and see where it goes. maybe we were just drunk and thought we were into each other. who knows. ok i gotta stop it now. bedtime!