i got hit so hard and didn't even see it coming..

wowowowowowowowow my life is so crazy! i cant believe i met this dude, it is unbelievable! i feel like ive known him forever and ever, we are so comfortable with each other and both seem to be into each other the same, there is no weirdness, its just always so chill and nothing makes it weird..there hasnt been a time ive felt weird in the many hours ive hung out with him so far. its incredible. hes like a gift from the gods! i have been feeling something cool coming on for sooooo long and this seriously hit me sooo fucking hard. i didnt expect anything like this this week. all i did was go to the crabs game and be the odd girl out without the date, and boom! 5 days later and only 1 day not together very very intense and awesome. i feel so lucky to feel so happy right now, this moment. thats how im looking at things with this dude, be in the moment, who cares about a month or a year, it doesnt matter all that matters is right now and getting to know each other and hanging out. weve had some very serious situations happen that could be quite uncomfortable but neither of us acted weird, and so it never got to be weird. i like how honest and open he is, it makes such a difference to just be with someone, rather than wondering what they are thinking. i had my doubts last night, thinking he was staying away from me, but then he told me he saw his recent ex's roommate and i bet he just felt weird so he tried to keep his distance out of respect for her, which i totally am down with. i need to be confident and know he likes me and be get weird. which i think i can actually do this time, i guess when they say when it just feels right its just right, ive never experienced that in my whole life until now and even if this doesnt work out, its cool to have just have felt these feelings.

my cousin brooke's cousin died the other day at a phillies game, and i cant imagine what the fuck that must feel like to lose a cousin so close to you. ive been lucky that none of my family members have died in a long time, and its starting to freak me out a bit knowing that could happen at any minute. our lives are so short and precious i really feel like we need to be happy and grateful and appreciate each minute we do get to live. its hard to do too, its hard to always be happy or grateful for your situations, but i always know someone has it worse, always. so heres a list of what im grateful for..im grateful for my life, my family, my friends, sofia, this new boy, a house over my head, food in my fridge,a car in the driveway, work that i make good money at, a whole bunch of clothes and shoes, and hair products and other dumb shit that doesnt really matter..im grateful im into music and im on the radio, and i am able to collect records and actually hear them. im grateful for my body, my arms, my legs, my eyes, my vision, my senses, my heart pumping blood properly, my cells not turning into tumors and getting eaten by cancer, im grateful my moles are okay and i dont have skin cancer, im grateful i have lungs that work and let me exercise, im grateful for my petite body structure and nice hair and eyes and face..im grateful for my talents in art, and writing and music, my ear for music and the intution i have to live in this world, im grateful im a strong woman and have gone through some crazy ass shit, but still am living and am happy, im grateful i didnt actually die from all the drugs ive done in my life and even when i was at my lowest i was always okay, im grateful i never been arrested, or got in real trouble for some of the fucked up things ive done, and witnessed, im grateful ive never been in a real fight, and have not had to feel that pain. im grateful that im alive!!!

that felt good.