confusion

i feel so confused about my situation with that boy. we were talking a lot but now we havent really had a conversation in over a week. i know its not that long,but we text everyday and all that, but why wont we talk? why do we keep just talking about nonsense?? i want to go deeper, and i want to tell him this, but we havent talked on the phone. im really trying to give him his space, and let it go at his speed, because it seems he is the one who needs to want to be in a relationship, not me. im ready. im ready to jump in with him, and see where this goes. im willing to go up there and stay with him as much as it takes to see if were supposed to be together, and i feel like he is too on another level. he just isnt ready. hes still partying, and going out every night and flirting with other girls, and busting on them, and whatever else hes not telling me. im not doing any of that. in a way im kinda waiting for him, but not really because i havent been offered anything else, but honestly i might go on a another date just to keep my options open.

part of me knows that im bringing a lot of my past into this situation. we arent even really in a situation i suppose. weve never kissed, we arent dating, all we are really doing is talking. thats it, and i need to remember that. he doesnt owe me anything, he wont do anything unless he really wants to. its frustarting though, because i am constantly over reading everything, and wonderig if he likes me anymore or not. i know all this is from my last boyfriend, who constantly used me and never let me know if he really liked me or not, and im bringing those feelings into this. i hate it but i dont know what else to do honestly. i am trying to chill myself out, so that i dont fuck things up. i know i can and very easily, its what i do to all the dudes that come into my life, i always freak out and then say and do dumb ass things. i read so much into everything. im really really trying to be different with this one. its kind of simple in this situation actually, because he told me he likes me, he told me he wants to take it slow, he remembers cute things i tell him, and he texts everyday. he really has given me no reason to think he doesnt like me. i make it up. well the whole not getting into deep conversations is pretty big to me. i want to know him so bad, i want his stories of his life, and the things he went through. why is he not letting that happen? or am i just freaking out and it will happen organicly?? i have to be patient in this, i know it. i feel like this could really be good once we get through this rough period. i feel like we need it or something. the other thing i feel like we are gonna go through some mad drama at some point, and then things will work out. but its so gay cause its so in the movies, but it happens especially when people arent ready, but really are and are just scared.

"theres nobody else here, no one like me. im special. so special. i gotta have some of your affection, give it to me!"