feeling good..

man the past few days ive really cleaned house..literally and mentally/spiritually. its so crazy when you just do things because your body needs you to. yesterday i felt so weird, so unsettled, so what did i do? i sat down and drew a few pictures, then wrote in my journal for a while and also listened to music, like listened to it. not just in the background. it was awesome, i felt fulfilled by the time i went to bed..then today i woke up and just started cleaning a lot! i cleaned my whole kitchen, and bathroom did the dirty dirty cleaning. scrubbed away all the nastiness. oh and two days ago i cleaned off a table that was filled with a bunch of shit, and re put together my stereo system that ive been putting off. its weird when this shit happens. ive purged myself and my surroundings. i love it. i love how the universe makes you do things you totally need to do. if we just followed them more often we would be golden.

tonight i took an amazing bath. it was probably the best bath i ever had. it was hot and comfy and relaxing. i had a few candles lit and jazz music playing. i spend most of the bath with my ears under the water just being a person. just being. it was nice. i did a lot of thinking too. i realized that this is my last year as a bacholorette. its a weird concept, especially since im technically single. but when i tell you i just feel it with every part of my body, i do. the thing that sucks is i remember writing the same things about rickie, and i was wrong. he and i had a wonderful connection, one that was more intense than i can even say, but it didnt work out. we werent meant to work out, but this situation i feel is. i feel like im closing one door and opening another soon enough.

the whole idea of grad school popped up and im really concidering it. for the past 4 years ive been anti grad school, but i think i could totally do it! i need to put my time and energy somewhere and i cant get the career i kinda want without more schooling. i really like that radio program i read about, ive thought about it all day today. all i have to get over is the gre's which i know i can. i need to just do it! to be in school would give me a few more years of not paying student loans, and also further my future options for a career. masters is the bottom of the line, but not as much as a bachelors degree is. i just overall feel like im heading in the right direction one way or another. the cool thing about being in school is that i could drive up to humboldt anytime i need to work or see the family. i could get a cute place in berkeley and take the bart to school and work some part time job, or none at all. who knows, i just feel like im heading the right way.

positive vibrations