looks like its gonna rain again..

im feeling really sick of the internet and facebook lately. i feel like i dont want to know anything about any of these people anymore..do i even know them? nope. not most of them, i know who they are on the internet, but in real life i wouldnt hang out with 98 percent of them. so why am i even on there? when i ask myself this question, i say boredom really is the answer. or i guess i felt like it kept me connected to philly and my friends there, but ive been realizing i only got a few friends there, and i talk to them on the phone, so why am i on this thing? i think im gonna stop posting on there. but im so addicted, when i say that my heart hurts, and my stomach drops, which totally means i need to fucking stop it. ive been really changing a lot lately and it feels really good. i even have thought about changing my cellphone number to a california one, but i dont know if its needed or not. i feel like ive had that one for the old me, and i need a new me number to start fresh, not have the energy of that phone number, the people ive called or texted over the years, the weirdness of my life was documented on that phone number, it was who i was in philly, but as its been shown to me, its not me anymore. i am me now. i like the me now too, i am confident, honest, proud, i dont take anyones shit, i know what i want, and i do what i want, i dress how i want, and i listen and say what i want. its wonderful, so freeing. i never knew life could be so good. all it takes is not giving a fuck and having faith in yourself and not letting other people tell you what you should or shouldnt do, feel, or say. we all have it inside, just not everyone is ready or wants to do so..

in this quest, ive found such joy that i want to share it with everyone, and empower everyone i talk to and make them see their worth and what they deserve and respect, since i found my power..but the thing is i think im coming off preachy, like natalie said. i dont know if im getting through, or picking the wrong time, or wrong way to go about it or not. i dunno, all i want is for everyone i love to be happy and do the best they can do and enjoy everyday and not worry about drama, or bullshit..but its not for everyone. not everyone is ready, and i need to remember that more often.