awkward nights...

so i went to the mos def show tonight, which by the way fucking sucked. well he was hot and sounded good, but he seriously came out at 130 and played for only 20 minutes and half of it was him rambling on and on about some shit, you could tell he was uber blazed and over all it was whack...so not to mention i worked all day, rushed home to watch the phillies, tried to relax to go out because i knew greg would be there and got myself together and got high and went out. but when i got to the show it was super fucking packed with weird people and i was having the beginning signs of panic attacks, it sucked but luckily we got a table and could chill out until mos came on..so besides that, i had yet another weird interaction with greg..

when i first got there, i saw him in the crowd, but i ducked out. i wasnt ready to face it yet, i didnt have a spot, i didnt know where my friends were, so i just ducked and ran. after i got settled, i was still super nervous and like making myself crazy over it, so i decided to text him, but my texts werent working, long story short i finally got a hold of him and met him out front to smoke a blunt. it was him and his friend and it was sooooo weird soooo fucking weird i took a hit of the blunt and it tasted weird and i freaked quietly inside my brain and luckily he asked me to go somewhere else with him. he then tells me he ate some mushroom honey or something and was feeling it. so then we get alone and we are just standing there and its sooo weird, and he goes i hate how weird this is when we are together, and i go me too!! it sucks so bad, then we hugged, but then he wanted to go back inside, which is the last place i wanted to be, so blah blah blah, weird interaction and overall im just scared things wont ever be normal between us. what if we just dont fit? its weird how i never thought that as a possibility at all. after i realized he was perfect, it was kinda like well thats that, but now im starting to second guess myself, which blows i really didnt want to go there. i didnt want to feel insecure or scared of things not working out, its going to pull me away so quick and i hate it. the good thing is we talk about it, but i just dont know how we are gonna get past it. its all him, all of it. so he needs to fix it or hes gonna lose me. and quick. i wish i had time to write more, but i need to go to sleep and go to work tomorrow morning.

goodnight.