UGH

so today i went to go hang out with that dude from philly who i thought i would really get along with and eh not so much. I mean we have tons and tons in common and love all the same music, movies and when i walked in he was playing dr mario! one of my favorite games. so all that was dope, but he was just sooooo into me. we totally skipped over the fun part of getting to know each other and figure out if we like each other, i mean i didnt he did. he was trying to hold my hand and lay on my lap and stuff like that. it was just presumptuous and weird. i dont know maybe im old fashioned byt there wasnt enough chemistry for me to be okay with it. we have so much in common, minus me wanting to make out with him. i know i cant do this shit anymore, but i really enjoyed hanging out and talking with him. hes dope. just dont want him to want to be fucking me the whole time.

last night he texted me at like 1am asking me to drive down and sleep over. that should have been a red flag for sure, but i am an idiot and went anyway. There was something telling me to not go today, but i didnt listen to myself. I really should have. I wonder if my mood would have been better tomorrow and it would have been awesome to have him treat me like that. At one point i was telling him this funny story about my friend steve and having sex with this girl hes been waiting to have sex with and her sister rolled in on them. Hes like can we not talk about sex please? i was like umm ok why cant we talk about sex and hes like because your here in front of me and i want it and i just cant talk about it with you. SO FUCKING WEIRD RIGHT? jesus. im in quite a pickle. He wants to hang out tomorrow, but i dont think i do. i need to tell him i just wanna be friends, but how do i go about that? i totally am gonna bum this dude out. i think he thinks he hit the jackpot of ladies, which of course he did but man o man. oh and he just started smoking weed a little while ago and was straight edge for most of his life, so hes like hanging out with a teenager when we get high. totally clueless. he actually told me today. " your gonna have to teach me how to smoke a joint properly" REALLLYYYYY?????

fuck i dunno what to do.