late night chats

so i live with this guy joey. he is fucking hot, hes 25, shaved blonde hair, great body and very deep emotionaly, spiritually and mentally. we have these really amazing talks and in some ways i feel like i am his guru. i help him out with his acting and his girl troubles and we hang out for hours on on. like long long times. this has only happened twice, but both times were so intense and crazy. we have yet to kiss or even talk about it. but we talk about sex a lot, and pretty much everything.

joey is the only person i have really connected with at all since ive been here. he is a friend i made on my own and i have a personal relationship with him. the thing is i am confused. i kinda want to cuddle and kiss him, but i dont want it to make things weird. on top of it im not sure he wants these things with me. he seems to be into really hot chicks who are young and dumb. i dont honestly care either. i think its all good either way, but its weird getting so close to someone who i am attracted to and have it be just friends. these times of learning are very interesting to say the least.

we were up last night till 6 am and i just woke up a bit ago and trying to figure out what to do with my day. there is so much to do in LA and so much to see, i just need to venture out and do shit. its kinda hard to do alone though. i should just jump in the car and drive to malibu or something, but i am scared of the traffic. i dont want to be on an adventure and then be sitting in traffic for 3 hours because of it. i feel like that needs to be planned. i probably should go to griffth park and go for a hike with sofia.

i only have about 3 weeks left here till i have to go back to humboldt. ive been trying to think about how i am going to feel when i get back there. am i gonna hate it so fucking much? am i gonna love it and be conflicted about la? am i gonna want to go back to hang out with tyler and get some good sex? or will i be turned off from him? there is so much to think about. but then again its me, and i always think too much. i need to let it go a bit and just be. let the river flow, as i like to say.

i really want to get tattooed. i feel like times like these are the perfect time to get tatted. ive been thinking about getting "the darkest hour is right before the dawn" but in a different language. the problem is none of the languages look as good as i want them to. or i dont like the words as much. but i have english everywhere, and i want to be a bit more discret too. i was thinking the inside of my upper arm,. i dont know where to go though, and besides if i want to get a sleeve, that will be in the way. but do i want a sleeve? i have gone over this for years and never really fully want to commit to that. which means i should get over it. its weird because i think i want it to show that i am different and i am an individual and am part of the scene that gets nice tatts. but why? that isnt really even me anymore. jimmy walsh is playing some hardcore show tomorrow and invited me to go, and i kinda dont want to. actually i am not going, i instead made plans to hang out with wes at his work. should be an interesting day to say the least. ok time to eat breakfast, its 2pm. jesus.