only in dreams..

i am really going through a strange period right now, i feel like an island, but i feel like someone is living on my island, and we talk through coconuts, but never see each other, but knowing each other are there is enough for right now. i am totally involved in an internet dating situation, and its so funny. i talk to this person every single day for like 2 hours,and if we arnet online we are sending texts every now and again, and i think about him all day, and he makes his status updates for me, and i feel myself doing the same thing for him. he told me that talking to me is the highlight of his day, and if he talks to me, he is in such a good mood. and i feel the same. but i dont really let on that i do. i realized i do that pretty often with dudes, i take all their compliments, and i never give them back, unless its right after they say it to me. its like im scared to actually say it out loud, because it would mean im committing or possibly leading them on at some point.and i say that because some part of me feels like it will never work out anyways, so why lead them on? why let them know i like them just in case i dont at some point? and in this situation its scarry because even thought ive known him for like 18 years, i havent seen or talked to him since i was like 22. he hears me on the radio, so he can get a vibe of me, but i have no idea. not one. i want to talk to him on the phone, but i feel like it might be too early still. i kind of like how its only online, we get to know each other very deeply without having to deal with all the pressure that comes along with dating, like kissing and going on dates, or staying in. its like we are going to get to know each other for real and then see if there is anything physical. i hope there is. i really dig this dude. its funny because like 2 weeks ago i was writing about r all the time, and how he is my soul mate and i cant imagine myself with anyone else, but this dude and i have so much more in common, and hes nice and hes not scared to say he likes me, or any of it. he wants to treat me well, and wants to talk to me everyday and thinks about me. thats what i think i deserve. im just going to go with it, and see what happens. he is coming to visit me in april and we are going to go see spoon and deerhunter in san fran and then a baseball game the next day and then beach house. its gonna be fun, but its gonna be short. 2 days thats it. im not even nervous, im more anxious and excited about hanging out with him. i can see me falling for him and us sleeping together and just being lovey and cute and having a perfect time together.

ahh dreams..