It felt like love...

So I decided yesterday to take back control of my life. I felt like i was spinning out of control for the past few weeks, and finally the wheel stopped and i could get a grip again. I honestly cant even beleive this tyler thing is even still an issue. I wanted to break up with him 2 weeks ago, and I was sticking around because I was scared to lose the sex. I was being selfish and really just wanting to bang. I know he is not the guy for me, I have known it for a long time now and its just time to break it off. So yesterday we were texting back and fourth about the fight we got in on Thursday night. I was being very honest and telling him how its not working for me. He didnt seem to think I was being serious, because after I wrote the final chop, he wrote back that hes on the road and lets sleep on it. Its like yo dude I just broke up with you. This is going to be a lot harder than i thought, but I am sticking to my guns here. The sex isnt even good anymore anyways. Its hard for me to get into because I dont like him. I just dont like him anymore. I really really tried to, but I couldnt make myself do it. And besides I never should have to try to like someone. Either you do or you dont. The thing we had was not a relationship at all, it was bullshit. It was based on sex and it wasnt fun otherwise.

The other thing I took control of was my living situation. This place sucks. Plain and simple. I told my landlady I am moving out on the 21st and sadly I am moving into my parents house. i really dont want to do that, but I have to. Its my last straw honestly. I wont have internet or cable or anything that i want or need. I will also be back up on the hill, which I dont wanna do either. But its free. I need to save any money I would be spending on rent on moving. Living there will save me 750 dollars towards moving, and possibly rent for a place in LA. Its very apparent I am meant to be there. I dabbled with the idea that I didnt have to go there, but its not true. I need to be there. I need to go work some job, and deal with it. I am going to apply at the airport first thing when I get there. I am also gonna apply at temp jobs, just because. I will need to make money asap and its gonna be hard working so many hours for no money, but it will be steady and stable and its what I need. This whole saving money thing is new to me, and not spending my money when i go do whatever I want to do. Its gonna be good for me to have to start saying no to things that cost money and start saying yes to work. Tomorrow i am going to work with my friend fuzz at this new place and hopefully its good and hopefully they like the work I do. I realized I am a bad trimmer if there is bad weed. i need to be more aware though, and make sure I keep doing a good job. Constant quality check tomorrow. I might not make that much money, but I will give myself a good reputation, which i dont have in some circles. I know a lot of people that I work with trim together at other places, but I have never been invited, which makes me think someone said I wasnt good at it. Otherwise I am sure they would ask me to come along. Everyone enjoys my company, but nobody invites me. Even Emma was asked to work a job with J&N and that hurt to hear, and I know they felt awkward about it, as they should. It shouldnt be a secret whats up. People need to tell me these things. I have been told many times by many different people how to fix my work, and I never do. I need to get on that, because I need to learn how to suck it up and do a better job. This is my money and I cant afford to lose it. The good news is I work at least once every week for the next three weeks. Fuck though I only really work 7 more times before Jan 15th. which is my projected move date. What am I gonna do? How is this gonna work out? I just really hope that these jobs are really good and none of them are bad turn outs. I need to make the optimum amount of money from each one. I just have to keep the faith and know its gonna be okay.