Can this really be the end?

I am thinking Tyler and I are on the verge of a break up. Today was day two of cleansing and not smoking or drinking and barely eating any food at all. It didnt go over so well honestly. I felt like shit all day long and almost passed out trying to pack up some stuff around the house. I was in a shitty mood and didnt really feel so good, and he kept sending me sext messages and it grossed me out. like seriously grossed me out. I read one and went ewww. now thats no good. i decided to be a bitch and write him a message back asking him to please stop sending those to me. i knew i kinda lost my mind when i reread that later. i was embarrassed by my words and i should have just left it and not responded. i dont really know how to do that. i also realized that when i date someone i dont look at them as humans. i dont think they have emotions and i get all into myself and how i feel but i never realize how they feel. i am so fucking selfish in a relationship, and i didnt really realize it until tonight. i think i do get it once they leave but its like i make them leave by treating them like they are nothing. i am so overly concerned with myself and keeping myself happy that i never give myself fully. i never really care about them. i focus on me and how they treat or talk to me, and never how i do to them. its like some part of me thinks its okay since i communicate so nicely and make time for them, but thats not what a relationship is. its give and take and i think i just take. maybe because with matt i gave so much and same with rickie that they kinda fucked me up to the point where i dont have it to give. or maybe nobody has been worth it yet. but can i keep saying that for the rest of my life? dont get me wrong there is a large part of me that knows tyler is not meant to be in my future, but my teacher for future relationships, and possibly why i dont give in. but how can i learn while keeping myself back? ya know its true with the dog situation too, i hate his dog, but maybe he hates my dog. maybe he just hides it better. maybe sofia is super fucking annoying to him too, with how she sleeps with us or snores or lays on top of him. maybe he takes it in stride better than i do. i am a mess. holy shit. some part of me thinks that i am great and everything i do is okay and great too because i am so intune with myself, but i do disregard other people and think nobody can be like me or that nobody gets me. but i dont let them.

i got a lot of learning to do.