nowhere

I have been suffering so much over the past few weeks from my face, neck and headache. I finding myself in a severe depression, yesterday and the day before I didnt get out of m pjs most of the day. I am sleeping in the middle of the day, not really wanting to do much at all. I woke up this morning and felt horrible, knowing I didnt want to go anywhere or see anyone or do anything. I am in so much pain and I am scared on top of the move situation being out of my control. I am not really in control of my life right now and I dont know how to get it back. I could just give up on this LA thing, and keep living my life here, but it still is out there, it still exists. I hate this so much. I hate waiting on someone else, its very unfair Its also unfair for the people who want to move into my place too, everyone is hanging on because of me. I feel the pressure, I feel like part of a really bad train.

I had this dream last night that is confusing a bit so I want to write it out and maybe it will help me out. ok so i had a dream i was driving up my road which was all rocky and i blew out 3 of my tires. i was at a house, that kinda looked like my grandparents mountain house, but was my house. i didnt have triple a, but i thought it would be cheaper if i joined real quick then called, but my dad made me just call. so i called and asked people to come out. then i went outside and random people came to my house and were having a party all around me and i kept yelling at them to leave or fix my car and nobody would listen to me. they kept saying yeah yeah well fix it later. there was a girl there who kept placating me and was doing the dishes and i took over and told her to stop doing the dishes and fix my tires! i then coughed up this huge black rock looking thing from my throat/chest and it was gross, and i tried to cover it up and make it go down the drain. everyone at my house was partying and nobody seemed to care about the 3 blown tires on the side of the road, i asked if it was in the way and everyone was like no, its fine. but nobody would fix my car and i was getting so mad and frustrated because nobody was listening to me and trent reznor was there and he told me to listen to this cover of neil youngs "everybody knows this is nowhere" and i got mad because i said it was one of my favs and the cover sucked, but really it was the real song.

when i woke up this morning i decided to look up blown tires in dreams and it said that if you dream about that you feel your life is going nowhere. well hello. everybody knows this is nowhere.