it is happening again..again..

wow wow wow. is all i can say about tonight and its events. i will describe as best as possible, but partially i want to keep it to myself so i dont forget it and forget the feeling along with it. the dude i was talking about last night came over. i went to the block party that he was at and we got to hang out a little bit then my friend tibi came and we did our thing, then i hung out with him again and left. we never really talked about hanging out but we exchanged numbers. when i was at dinner he texted and asked if i wanted to hang out and i invited him up to my house. pretty much with the intention of making out with him at some point..which didnt take long. we went outside to look at the stars and then we kissed and it was fucking horrible like so fucking horrible. so awkward and weird and confusing and horrible period. i cant even believe where the night lead with the start being so horrid. i seriously sat in my bathroom going ok what are you gonna do now? but then we cuddled and rubbed our heads and kissed our faces and stayed away from the mouth and slowly but surely he started to kiss like me and it was all good. i didnt realize how one sided i am with kissing, but i am. i cant change how i kiss for anyone and thats really not fair, but to be honest i know i kiss well, so fuck it. follow me and you will be good to go. so we just shared a few magical hours together rolling and rubbing and kissing and touching and it was grand! i have my period so no sex, but man did we fucking grind hard i seriously got so sweaty i felt like i had sex, it was everything like sex minus penetration. i decided to give him a blow job since he was being such a good sport about everything, and besides i thought it was semi unfair to leave him with such huge blue balls on his birthday! yes it is his birthday technically at midnight. so that pretty much blew his mind..haha no pun intended. he said that he never really had a girl give him a blow job and let him cum in her mouth, i thought that was crazy! i didnt swallow or anything, but i let him cum in my mouth, i mean come on now. haha

i really look forward to hanging out with him again and it really sucks that he is leaving in 2 weeks, but its good at the same time too. im sure we will hang out these two weeks and have a fun time, and then go off on our lives and maybe reconnect, but maybe not. i need to not fall for him, i need to keep this casual and fun and not let my feelings get all wrapped up in it. there is no reason to get attached to him, he doesnt even live here. i felt myself falling for him, but i realized i was falling for the ecstasy that i was experiences, he used the term "love drunk" and its true. i felt love drunk and its fabulous! he also asked if this was the first time i made out with someone sober, which isnt fully true, but no weed in my system at all, or to buffer the awkwardness or anything like that yes it was, and i enjoyed it more. it was so nice to feel all these feelings sober and know they are real and they are the real me, and not the drugs. man i am so curious if we are gonna hang out again soon! he is having some little shindig tomorrow at his friends house, and i really dont want to go cause i dont know the people but i want to hang out with him, but i dont want to push it and make it weird. so im just gonna see what happens, and be honest and open to him about it and ask. hes very honest and up front so it wont be weird. i need to remember i dont know him though, i need to remember just because we made out and had a great night doesnt make us anything. we are still just friends, not dating nothing, we are friends and thats it! i need to remember this!! ok time to go to sleep!!