expectations only ever fail..

so i had been waiting for tonights hang out with my new man toy casey and boy o boy was i left disappointed. i think its because of my expectations, i thought he would want to come hang at my house and make out again. i mean why wouldnt he? right? WRONGGGGGG melissa, way fucking wrong. we had talked about having lunch together and then decided upon dinner after my ballet class, and i thought we could make dinner at my house or whatever and he wanted to grab some at this little restaurant, neither of us were super hungry so we just shared a salad and gourmet pizza. the beginning of the hang out was super fucking awkward as i knew it would be. the last time we saw each other i had his dick in my mouth. so i knew there would be some sort of weirdness, but i didnt think it would be that weird. so we really didnt have much to talk about, which is so odd because both of us are interesting people and have had interesting lives, but it was weird and blank. i tried to roll with the punches as much as possible. i kept smiling and was interested in all he said and really paid attention to him. towards the end of the dinner he seemed to have loosened up a bit, but not too too much. i felt like he had a wall up tonight, like he wanted to hang out but had something on his mind or was just not fully there. when i got out of my ballet class i called him and he didnt answer, and didnt call back for like 20 minutes. he said he was on the phone for a belated birthday call, but later mentioned it was a girl. i have a feeling its some girl he really likes or liked or have had something with and maybe that put him in a weird space. who the fuck knows.

anyway after dinner was over we were walking and i asked what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to go home. so i said cool. then he said he wanted to hang out and watch a movie at my house with me, so we decided on friday. but i just feel super weird about the whole thing. i know i shouldnt, i know i am over reacting, i know i am thinking way too much into this thing that isnt anything at all but i cant help it. i over think things and get so insecure when it comes to dudes. but my tarot did say i have to do things differently and adapt to things better, so maybe this is one of those things. maybe just maybe he really likes me and wanted to have dinner and talk and get to know me before we went any further. who knows. we both are supposed to go to this reggae show tomorrow, but i really dont want to go, i have to wake up way too early friday morning and have work all day tomorrow..so who knows what im gonna do. overall i feel the weirdest because i know this isnt going anywhere. i have never stayed with someone who i knew was a waste of my time. i never just took a lover for a lover, and i thought thats what this was, so its just weird that its not. we were talking about my love of sports and he said "i never dated someone who was into sports before" like as if we were dating or something weird weird weird. am i just weird? am i the weirdo? do i expect too much from people? i am over it really i will just look forward to friday nights movie hang out aka sex night hopefully ;)