And it Stoned me...

so last night i had this dream about Stoney. he comes in my dreams a lot actually. every single time it feels real, it feels like we are totally together hanging out. like when i wake up there is no way that was a dream, and im starting to believe that its not. i think he does come to see me. its not just memories, its real, in some world. last nights adventure was us hanging out in a hotel room. i wish i could remember what we talked about. but i know i was super tired and so was he..he was laying on my lap for a while and i was playing with his hair. the next scene was me waking up on some bed, with him and matt in another bed. they were watching tv. matt thought it was weird we were hanging out, so he came too. i feel really bad for matt, only him and marie know what happened in that car that night, and i have a feeling what they told us isnt true. or it may be. it must be so crazy to have to of scene your best friend laying dead in the street. i couldnt imagine the pain that he must feel every time he thinks about dan. matt is lucky to be alive, and so is marie. im sad dan didnt make it, but everything for a reason. maybe he was taken because he would never stop partying so hard, and end up dead anyway, so this was better for his family, and his memory. he was too good of a person. he always tried to stop doing drugs and drinking. he pulled himself away so many times, but it always chased him. he was strong, but that was stronger sometimes.

i have so many memories with him. the biggest was the drive across country. i wish i was more present during that time, but i was so fucked up. all i wanted to do was talk to matt, and i didnt want to live that adventure. i mean i did a lot but i wasnt so into it. i wasnt really there. the biggest one was when we were on the mountain top in arizona or new mexico..stoney made me get out of the car and climb up with them. it was so beautiful up there, so warm and magical. the sky was so vast, everywhere you turned you just saw sky and more mountain. they were all reddish color and it was unbelievable. he was a good friend of mine. i never in my left felt the pain that i did when i found out he was dead. ill never forget that day. ever. it shook me to the core, i actually fell down, i thought that just happened in movies but it happened to me. the craziest part was i saw it at the news station, i saw the breaking news and wondered if i knew the people inside. and it was my exboyfriend, his new girlfriend and my friend. i still get flashes of the car wreck, but only for a second, which is probably better.

ok im starting to get really sad, and i dont want to. i dont want to be sad, it happend a few years ago, and there is no way to change it, so i need to deal with it. and i like to think of it more positivly, like how awesome it is he comes to visit me in my dreams. i can still hear his voice too. i can see his chip tooth and his crazy ass hair, and see his pumas and how his pants sit in him, and his plain tshirt.

i miss you dan stone. you will always and forever be remembered by me as a good friend, and a good person. i love you always.