except i really do. i mean dont get me wrong i try not to care about little stuff, or petty bullshit about people not liking me or having some beef over something silly. all that stuff goes through me and over me, i dont hold onto it. but today i had two instances where i was really disrespected and i kind of laid down and took it and after wards realized how fucked up it was. i dont even want to talk about anymore, cause im kind of over that. hes a douche and i am over it. but the second thing is a little worse it totally has to do with my career and it sucks. i wrote a blog for my work and when it got published, the editor published it with all the edits on it, and made me look incompetent and stupid and i am defiantly the butt of everyones jokes. and now i have to talk to him on the radio and call him out. i need to be strong and ready to talk to him about all this shit. he really disrespected me by doing this, and i didn trealize it at first. i was told about it in such a way that it was funny and i went along with it, i guess cause i was in shock, and didnt know what to do but to take the high road and go with the flow, but then i realized it was just mean and really made me look bad. like super bad . so we are having it out on the air today, which i also think is kind of bullshit because it exposes it more and brings more attention to it, but i need to suck it up and stand up for myself and my career and life in general.
one good thing is that i had a real realization last night. i need to choose something to do for a career and go with it. i have always been so confused about what direction i want to go in and i never decide, or just get it. i do it with boots and boys all the time. i seriously havent bought boots in years because i think there is a better one out there, same with dudes, if a guy is right, but not fully right i think there is something better out there. what am i waiting for? its not all just gonna come to me. i need to be more decisive and just pick something and go wtih it. give it my all and go for it, and if it doesnt work out then find something else, but its time to choose a path. some would say i have chosen radio, but i dont really like being on air per se. its not really my thing at all. its too fake and weird. then i think well i need to get over that too, i need to embrace everything and just do it. i have been telling msyelf that for years now, just do it. and i think its time to take my own advice. i need to move and i need to find a job and just do it. its time. its time to stop playing these games and move on and move out.
fuck! i need a job!
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