i think its strange you never knew...

what a crazy night i just had. so i decided to go see this pink floyd cover band called "house of floyd" it had a light show and everything so i thought it would be cool. i ate some ganja butter on my gardenburger and went to the show. at first i had trouble feeling comfortable, etc. then i kinda eased into it, but it wasnt until the second set where they pretty much played all of dark side of the moon. i was so high at this point because the cookie had kicked in hard and i went into this whole thing about my grandparents, because my grandpop used to put that album on when we were up the pocono mountains and he said it brought the deers..and it always did. it was like he had trained them over the years to come get food when they hear that album. so its always been special to me because of him,and one morning he and i were up early and he put on all the bells and alarms really loud to wake my grandmom up to, and she got all mad, but then it was all fun. i really miss them a lot. they showed me a lot of love and i sometimes forget that. my grandmom always made sure she told me she loved me. i took advantage of that and never cared as much as i should have. i miss her a lot. also i was thinking about nikoles dad and pink floyd, he always would listen to them in the car when we would drive around to places. he actully had a large influence on me and my musical opening. he helped lay the foundation for my love affair with music. im so grateful for that.

so on a more shitty note, my friend megan really dicked me over tonight in a very bad way. so there is this dude ive been working with at the radio station and ive semi had a crush on him, and talked to her about it a few times and have sent texts back and fourth while with her, etc. she knew i was crushing and tonight at the show she said i wanna stay away from this situation because ive always thought he was really cute, and if you dont like him then i will..or something along those lines where i was like huh did she pretty much just tell me shes gonna go for him? so it was whatever, and the whole time i think hes trying to get with me, maybe. but its hard to say, he did a few things that made me think that..but so we go back to his apartment and hang out for a few hours and then he offers us to stay over, and i politely decline, time passes he then makes another reference and im like im gonna go and megan acts like she is too, which i was happy a bout thinking ok we both will leave and it will be all cool..then i get my jacket on and shes laying on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, so im like ok cool well im gonna go megan, and i leave. its just fucked up. why would she do that? what did he think? is he surprised i left cause he was feeling the vibe between us? is he just a dude who would fuck either one of us? or did they not even make out? i doubt it. i bet they fuck, and its gonna be all weird now when im at work with him..its girl code dude, talk it out first dont just do it, but the worst part is she probably thinks nothing of it and thinks since i left im cool with it. i really dont have any reason to feel anything thought because i know nothing will happen between us, and if it did it wouldnt last. hes too young for me. he doesnt share the same beliefs as me, and hes just kind of a cocky 27 year old, living the dream and the good life being hot and in a band in a small town..i need more than that, and i know its coming. i hav efaith. i will not be alone forever, love is coming to me.
xo